Anti-Bride

I am.

I have never been to a wedding as a fully-formed adult. Weddings attended as a flower girl don't count, as children aren't people.

This makes planning my own wedding more than a little tricky. How do you reconcile your dear parents wanting to take the whole show and run with it? Or they push you to invite 'dear Aunt Linda Burkowski' or 'Uncle Chuck' when I have never met these people? Yeesh.

I hate religion, and therefore shun the very idea of a 'ceremony' of sorts. I am not taking my partner's last name, though I have to say I'd be tickled if he took mine. If not, no prob.

Why am I getting married? Jesus, that's a tough one. I think it's because I want a big celebration, a gathering-together of all my friends and family to eat, drink and have fun. I do plan on being with my partner 'forever'..or at least as long as 'forever' happens to be!

I really hate getting bogged down in all this drudgery and wedding ennui. I have to say, I think women who dream, desire and fight for huge weddings are totally insane. It's so boring! People who want huge princessy-type weddings, I hate to say it, want to be famous on that day. This is their chance to get all the fame and stardom by purchasing it. So they do.

I don't want to buy a wedding. I want to buy a horse.

My wedding dress is pink. I won't be wearing a veil. I haven't even thought of vows and my wedding is in less than a month. I haven't registered anywhere for gifts. I don't know what my place settings look like. I don't have a seating chart.

Just writing that makes me want to scream. Jeebus! I am never doing this again and I think I would counsel anyone anticipating a marriage to just elope and get the damn thing over with...