The honeymoon is over

I'm at odds with my feisty redheaded horse. I had a ride the other day that culminated, shamefully enough, with me hopping on bareback grabbing a chunk of mane in one hand, and brandishing a whip with the other. The rodeo that ensued was quite entertaining, as I had to physically 'beat' my dear pony around the ring!

I feel anxious and disappointed, as we were doing SO well lately. As of two weeks ago, things were great! We had started jumping, and I was just loving him and feeling really confident. Then we backslid with alarming speed. He got spooky, I got anxious and defensive, he got upset and balky. He started rearing and bucking, leaping nervously at the slightest provocation. I got grabby and handsy, and upset.

What to do, what to do? Well, he is having a horse chiropractor out on Wednesday. If that doesn't solve his problems, well does anyone know a good horse-meat recipe? (hahah, actually I will have a competent friend show my dear pony a thing or two about paying attention!!).

Fingers crossed this is a minor setback on the road to our eventual success!

The Virgin Suicides

Yes, it's a bit of a pop-culture icon these days isn't it? I'm reading the book right now, written by Pulitzer-prize winner Jeffrey Eugenides (he won it for Middlesex, curiously enough, I disliked that book!).

It's a stunning book, both in texture and craft, and in sheer lyricism. It draws you in to this sepia-tinted life, of extreme voyeurism and languid drama. I really enjoyed it, and found the film to be fairly true to the book itself, rare enough as it is. I highly recommend this book-particularly if you liked the film--but even if you didn't, the writing here is so rare, so captivating. It's lazy, powerful and envelopes you. It's not an emotional book, but rather one that keeps a reader at a visible distance, as if you are seeing the events through a haze of fog or fine mosquito netting.

It's a definite mystery, and strangely even though it's a subject matter that people avoid quite strenuously, we can all identify with it.

I also had the craziest dreams after reading it, so perhaps not a book for before-bed reading.

Enjoy!

A murder of crows?

Outside our apartment building, there's a menace. It waits until your arms are burdened by shopping bags full of groceries, then swoops and whacks the back of your head--

Yes, we're under attack! By two evil crows. At first I laughed at my partner's dramatic retelling (they seem to hate him the most) until...I caught them sneaking up behind me on the telephone wires, cawing madly. I didn't back down though, oh no! I dropped my bags at their first daring pass at my head, and yelled and hissed at them, swinging my bag wildly.

That sort of scared them off, until I went to pick up my groceries. Then they were back! For more! The nerve of these crows...

And so we went back and forth, me chasing them off to the heights of the telephone wires, them cawing like maniacs and sneaking back to dive-bomb the back of my head. I was pretty pissed off, let me tell you!

Susan is not having any luck with animals lately, for some reason. I am also thinking about getting some sort of bb gun or airsoft gun, but I'm a pretty terrible shot, and could likely see myself shooting a window, person, dog, cat, other bird...the list goes on. Hmmm.

So far, I haven't been troubled by them, but they seem to sneak up at the oddest times...I will keep my wits about me, and conquer the evil crows!

I'll Never Be Young Again

My, I am prolific currently. This one's a rant. It's about gratitude.

How hard is it to admit you need help, and oh gosh this is a tough one--say thank you?! I'm busting my ass to help, partly as a favour to others, partly to help you, and all you can say is, well, bitching?

I admit I'm no saint, and yes, on the ''entitled'' side of entitlement, but for the love of all that is (un)holy, some gratitude is demonstrated on my end. At least! People love to be helpful, feel appreciated, and lend a willing hand. Don't be an ass, and it will turn out all right. Don't be a jerk about it, and don't act rude whenever you have interactions.

So hard? How about you leave society. I have a creeping feeling 'excommunications' were developed for a reason...Not religious reasons!

So, I'm going to ride this wave of righteous anger until it subsides possibly tomorrow.

Don't Look Now

Ah yes, has anything changed much these past few days? Well, my partner has attracted the attention of some vicious crows, which instantly made me laugh like crazy and reminisce about Daphne du Maurier's The Birds.

Camping this past weekend was a great success and a ton of fun. It makes me feel happy that I can join up with friends of years, (with years in between visits), and have it be so natural, so freeing. It's great, this casual companionship, and something I truly value. I also learned how great cooking camping breakfast can be when you do it in a paper bag, grease and egg dripping into the fire and flaming it further. (The trick is layering the bacon in the bottom of the bag, then piling shredded potatoes, egg if you are so inclined, and cheese. Place it on the grill over the fire for 30 minutes or so, and voila! Greasy diner breakfast in the woods)

I also ran 10k, without taking a break! Woo hoo! My pony was quite bad today, could be saddle-fit related, though I really really hope not.

And I will leave with this: Some du Maurier books I highly, highly recommend: short story collection Kiss Me Again, Stranger, the book Rebecca, Jamaica Hill, collection of short stories Don't Look Now and check out some of her others. Fabulous gothic eerie stuff.

I'm a perfect piece of ass, like every Californian

In England, you almost expect the weather to be, well, miserable. And were we disappointed? Hell no! It was windy, rainy and frankly quite brisk. We attended a wedding and it was everything you would assume a British wedding to be. Several hymns were sung, baffling the heck out of me (who goes to church anymore? And sings?) and many courses were consumed at the 'wedding breakfast' which is their name for reception.

We danced in a modified disco in the hall, something I'm sure the ancestors who built the grand Hall never saw coming! It felt very iconoclastic. We played a small game of croquet, dressed in our wedding finery of long dresses, fascinators and hats. My fascinator, of peacock feathers, drew admiring glances long and far. We played a brief, if moderately successful, game of skittles in the path in the long garden.

The food was spectacular, with pureed seafood in gelatin molds, timbale of field berries suspended in crystal-clear vanilla jelly, champagne sorbet.

The cars that drove up to the Hall, guests, waltzed from Porsche Boxters, Range Rovers, BMW's, Saabs, Volvos--nary a rust bucket in sight, or even mid-level. The luxury cars were astonishing.

It was the most opulent, luxurious and no doubt expensive wedding I will ever attend, save I become very famous and am invited to a movie star's wedding, or perhaps there is another Royal wedding (Harry? Is that you?)..

What's so bad (about feeling good?)

Fresh off a fabulous UK wedding, which I spent absolutely wracked with concern for my final Masters paper (which turned out to be a total no big deal anyways. ARGH), I have been faced with a few, shall we say, trials?

Running the gauntlet of financial concern, dentistry, flooding, no job prospects--I feel tried even more than Job! I am waiting for the other shoe to drop (oh my head) woah I feel crazy deja vu, I've definitely felt this way and said it that way before. It might help me to list out a few of my concerns...

• Surprising $600 invoice for something in JANUARY!
• $250 Hydro bill
• Filling from dentist not covered by insurace= Cha-Ching!
• Flooding in my to-be-renovated apartment
• Dear partner not cancelling a phone service from January, and is still paying it--this is the second time we moved and this happened
• No job prospects, and none in the pipes--apparently a MA with a few years govt experience is very unhireable?? Please god tell me no
• Dear aforementioned partner determined to quit said well paying job. While I am still unemployed
• ?????
• Profit!!!

What to do, what to do? Part of me says fuck it. Enjoy what I'm doing now, and stop reaching, searching, feeling anxious about the future. The future will worry about the future. Let ''Future Susan'' deal with it, enjoy the horse (who I am madly falling in love with, he is such a good pony).

Current Susan? Is SO not ok with Future Susan. She feels lazy, uneducated, bored and absolutely adrift. Also, feels a bit at odds with current life situations--not that I want to be super busy with work, but something would be welcomed. Throw me a bone here, life! (tempting fate with that, as I enjoy good health, sort of good ''teefs'' and a darling pony, bunny, & husband).

So I am letting Current Susan and Future Susan battle it out. In my head. This should be fun...

So, I'm listening to happy music--even if it makes me want to cry sometimes--and enjoying my dear pony, who was a very nice ride today.