New job! New horizons! New hope!

Yep, things are really lookin' up for old Susan!

Fuzzy bun is doing well, ponykins is healthy and up to his old shenanigans (unfortunately?! argh!), I have a JOB now, and my husband is back in town for the foreseeable future!

Now, these good feelings don't/can't last forever, but let's revisit Susan's hierarchy of needs, shall we?

From my previous posts, my hierarchy of needs indicate a few pretty stringent requirements, as well as a few more airy-fairy ones.

And, I'm well on track for ALL of them! Gloat gloat gloat! Life is good, I honestly can't complain. I'm very happy with things, my job is fulfilling and albeit freaking early and sometimes stressful, it is a good job and where I want to be going.

My pony is a stinker and a little shit, but so talented and adorable. My husband is back in town after being separated for about, oh, two years now? Oh yes, I do have it all! Phew!

Loving life!

Paletas Popsicles

Just off Blanshard, there is a teeny tiny tucked in the wall popsicle shop. They have every brand of fabulous, hand-made natural popsicle.

This includes rhubarb and cream, raspberry and dark chocolate, coconut and lime, coconut and chocolate, dulce de leche and chocolate fudge and chocolate caramel fudge...

It is HEAVEN! Drippy, delicious natural-ices heaven.

Sadly, this post comes late as they are closing down for the season, guess there's no call for popsicles come winter, even if Victoria is a sight warmer than ON or YT.

I'll miss you, delicious popsicles. I think fondly of your return, when I may try the rhubarb-cream, or have another raspberry chocolate. Yum!

I hear the night call

Saw the movie 'Drive' and wow.

I didn't expect to like it, and was barely interested in going at all (I work very, very early in the morning and am liking sleep more than social life at the moment...) but it is SO good.

It is an extremely brutal, polarizing and tense film. Words are not wasted, in fact, dialogue is limited to practically 20 words per character. And Ryan Gosling's character, 'the driver' doesn't even have a first name. He is a man of few, very few, words but a hero nonetheless.

His flawed, bizarre character is endearing and tough. The soundtrack to the film is unforgettable and incredible. I sat in stunned silence during the film, surprised at how captured I was by it all. It is slick, stylish and unforgettable.

IF you're expecting Hollywood tripe such as 'Gone in 60 Seconds' do yourself a favour and don't watch this. It's not Hollywood.

If you're in the mood for a dark film noir, breathtaking scores and a character to emulate, watch this film. It will haunt you.

I have also never sat in a fairly busy (not packed) theatre that has been literally shocked into a stunned silence before. Yes, the scenes are that violent. Shocked silence. It was no 'Saw' or 'Hostel' over-the-top gory glee, but a quiet, quick and horrifying violence. Nasty, evil and dangerous, it was uncomfortable for those accustomed to splashes of gore, not temptations of torture.

That being said, it is only in the last few parts of the film. It almost watches like two separate films, really.

Soundtrack sounds: to check out

Kavinsky feat. Lovefoxxx: Nightcall

Desire: Under your spell

The Chromatics: Tick of the clock ( don't really like this one)

College feat. Electric Youth: A Real Hero (very good)

Moving on and up

So, my last post "Battle of Wills" has been resolved and let me tell you, it's a long tough road...

I have been working with a friend to work on my pony's issues, and adding a supplement to his feed to handle his explosive, too much energy spooks.

And is it working? Well, he's still a little asshole, but I can ride it out. And, he is so, so talented. Like, unreal, which makes it almost worse that he's such a tough nut to handle. And I found out today that he was picking up his fellow horse's food dish outside and flinging it around, almost hitting one of his handlers! ARGH!

Cute little bastard though, gotta say. Those little perked ears and fuzzy nose...Innocent eyes and snort.

We're taking lessons again next Thursday too, which will be sooo good. Long time coming for us, as it's been a few months. Oh and hopefully planning for our competition season next year, if he can tone it down enough to go in the show ring again (after our disastrous first attempt, yeesh).

Fingers crossed things go well with the little pony!

Battle of Wills

I feel like I have this issue about once a week, maybe less, like once a month, but it's so epic it FEELS like once a week?

My dear pony and I have it out, in a most dramatic, angry and spectacular way.

Today was once of those days, one where I rode in literally a haze of seething anger, at him, my uncooperative, evil pony. I don't know if he just picks up a day and is like, '' I'm going to rear, spook, bolt, run backwards and generally be awful?" Or if he is genuinely afraid. I just don't get it.

I was angry, sobbing with frustration and furious, so furious at him. Rage coursed through my veins, and I had to stop and think for a minute-- honestly? I need to tone it down. I calmed things down, walked by the scary place, until everything became scary. We broke things down bit by bit, calmed down, nope, still scary. Still running backwards, still spooking, still threatening to rear.

I got off, and whipped him--something I'm not proud of, and was a doubly stupid move on my part because, duh, I was still holding onto my reins and didn't want to let go and let him go tearing off with my saddle and bridle at risk of being broken! Ugh, it was ugly, so ugly.

So, did the next logical thing; longing. If I can't win the battle, I'll win the war. We longed for about an hour, making his workout 2+ hours in length. And I'll admit he was much, much better when we longed, only one spook/freakout, almost fell while galloping, but that was it. And, hilariously, he seemed to forget how to longe on one side. It would have been funnier if I hadn't still been absolutely blind with anger at him...Ha, well it was still kind of funny then too!

But why these insane, lengthy, drawn-out battles? Why do they seem to happen when everything is going so well, and I'm so proud of him? We have a horse show this weekend, and I'm seriously considering scratching out of it. He was THAT bad today...We'll see.

Changing seasons

Well, after my rather gloom & doom post of Tuesday, things are changing, much like the seasons, or the tides.

- sidenote, I have a photo of a tide path area and there is a paving stone with 'Beware the Tides' engraved on it. It was wet. It seemed very ominous.-

I'm headed off to work again, and it couldn't happen sooner. Just when I thought all was lost, it wasn't! I'm so happy and glad to be involved in a career path of my choice, and a work location that is definitely going to be rewarding, challenging, maybe even crazy-making. But it's going in great directions, and I'm so pleased!

And, to that effect, here are some things I have been enjoying lately- in no particular order-

The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker

Community - DVD series

Marshmallow icing - Mom's recipe

Horns by Joe Hill

Heart-shaped Box by Joe Hill

Blood by The Middle East

Bassano hard sodas (yes sweet, but quite tasty. Enjoy in moderation, for your teefs sake!)

The Acorns

The Antlers

Enjoy!

And, I wish I had written this myself, from The Hellbound Heart... "The seasons long for each other, like men and women, in order that they may be cured of their excesses...Everything tires with time, and starts to seek some opposition, to save it from itself."

The Hellbound Heart

Or, the tyranny of time.

Now that I've accepted my slow descent into unemployed-slob territory (no, it didn't go easily, I had a major mopefest for exactly one day, and then picked up my pants and continued on), I'm struggling with what I term 'the tyranny of time'.

This is the issue of too much time - something you may say to yourself is a wonderful thing to have, like a holiday that never ends! Except when you're in it. The weather is gorgeous, you have a lovely pony to spend time with and no demands either which way. And this, my friends, is trouble. First of all, the weather is gorgeous. How is this a problem? Well, when it's this nice out, I want to be out doing things in it (riding said pony), but the problem when you're unemployed and everyone else is otherwise employed, is that you get stuck doing the majority of fun sunshine events alone. And the company of yourself, yourself and yourself gets mighty old. The fun of events and activities isn't necessarily sharing the activity itself, but of the shared experience.

I'm also fighting with the rather abrupt transition of unemployed-work-unemployed. It's like a bizarre sandwich of responsibilities. I get really good at doing nothing, then suddenly I'm good at doing everything - then nothing. I guess it doesn't help that my partner is away for another few months, and while that's all fine and all while I working, that issue of the pleasure of my company gets very stale after awhile.

So there are a few issues at heart: no partner, lovely weather, no responsibilities, increasing lack of motivation (this gets worse every time I am unemployed) and that monster of boredom. Also I am getting very sloppy with typing and spelling, and perhaps driving. Save me from myself!

I am reminded of song lyrics that claim it's possible to feel alone in a crowded room, yes it is, but it's also as likely to feel alone, with my burgeoning hermithood, in a sunny apartment.

And this time? That stretches in front of me for an impossibly long period? I will want it back, I will want to save it, hoard it and guard it jealously when I want it again. That, my friends, is the tyranny of time. I am in a place I love, with friends I adore, a pony that continually challenges and delights/frustrates me, and yet...

I am hard to please these days. I am so close to self-actualization that it's actually more frustrating than when I wasn't near it at all! All I hear is to enjoy it while I have it, but that makes me resent it even more. Unasked for gifts are the hardest to return.

Also my feet are riddled with blisters and I have a large scrape that is healing on my arm. The blisters are particularly annoying, as they won't allow me to wear running shoes right now and frankly, they are hideous. All courtesy of an interesting trail ride gone amok this weekend.

I'm still pondering what to do, what to do.

Can't seem to buy a break?

Things have been going well lately, so I come here only to vent it seems!

I went to the music festival at Squamish and had a fabulous time. We camped (which is an iffy proposition at any time really) and the weather, logistics and music were fabulous! I loved the bands, had a great time with friends and really couldn't ask for more...

Which leads me to my rant, which, as per usual, is job related. Just finished up a brief stint that I had hoped would lead to a foot in the door and as it turns out, I didn't even end up with a foot in the hallway TO the door. Le sigh.

I just.can't.seem.to.buy.a.freaking.break! Honest to god, WHAT IS IT??

Coworkers and bosses alike just raved about me, which was honestly very surprising as it was very short period of time. I had excellent reviews and recommendations, have my MA and three years of experience in the field...And I don't get a lower-level position I applied and interviewed for. Yeah...

What does it take? I'm getting extremely discouraged. Extremely. I can get all the excellent reviews they're handing out and STILL blow it. I'm just not sure about anything to do with this anymore. Oh, and I knew it. I just knew it. Whenever you don't get a call right away= bad news. I feel silly for expecting something different, you know?

With my experience, excellent references and decent higher level education, I still can't land the big one, or even the small one. What gives?

Well, I am using this to keep searching, though I am seriously tired of it. I am going to be asking how to improve my interviews (that was number #3 unsuccessful, so clearly something is up!) and looking for feedback.

Yeah, ouch.

I Don't Want Love

Home again, home again!

Just got back from a jet-set holiday, touring the exotic climes of Calgary, AB all the way to the interior of BC. We drove out to see Spruce Meadows, the premiere showjumping facility of North America basically, and then went to see some roughriding action at the Calgary Stampede. Then off to Banff it was, and then Nelson BC (snail capital of BC?) and Osoyoos (surprisingly and disappointingly cold) and then home.

Showjumping was fabulous! Ian Millar proved he was Captain Canada yet again, and an Irish won the Derby, which was nail-bitingly tense as usual. We watched a performance of the Prairie Dogs, sort of like dog showjumping.

The rodeo was great, nobody got hurt but there sure were some tense moments and some really sad times when cowboys fell off before the buzzer sounded. Barrel racing was fabulous, those ladies can turn and burn with the best of them! I also ate pizza on a stick (wonderful) and root beer, and then a cheap buffet for dinner.

THEN it was off to Banff, home of the rich & famous. We trekked up to the Banff Springs (much like their slaves, er, servants, must have back in the 'ol days) and enjoyed a ridiculously expensive cocktail on the lounge patio, overlooking the majesty of the mountains. * yeah, like $16 for a mojito, and no, it wasn't gold-encrusted?! Woahhh. Anyways, I wanted to stay at the Banff Springs but had to settle for the Ptarmigan's humble, if kind of rude, service.

We enjoyed what will probably remain the most extravagant dinner at Banff's Grizzly House fondue restaurant. We all had the 'dinner' meal, that consisted of a salad, cheese fondue, then meat platter of choice-- Alberta (venison, moose, buffalo), Seafood (prawn, scallop, lobster) or exotic (rabbit, rattlesnake, shark, ostrich)... And the cheapest options started at $50/person?!

Ooooh did we ever eat well! (due to the extreme generosity of my dear parents). I rolled out of there smoky and sort of greasy--we cooked off a hot stone with garlic butter, yes I did say it was extravagant didn't I? And was stuffed for the rest of the next day, as well. Fabulous!

Then it was off to Nelson, the picturesque small town of silver-star fame Roxanne and the sun shone, everything was beautiful and we definitely ate dinner at the Dixie Cafe (well it is called something different now, but that is what it was in Roxanne). All is good!

The next day, Osoyoos, was a bit of a downer. Rainy, barely breaking 18 deg, no mood for swimming, nosir! Bummer!

And now it's raining in Victoria. Can we win this one? Hope you have a vacation this summer that IS sunny? Let's break 30, people!

The honeymoon is over

I'm at odds with my feisty redheaded horse. I had a ride the other day that culminated, shamefully enough, with me hopping on bareback grabbing a chunk of mane in one hand, and brandishing a whip with the other. The rodeo that ensued was quite entertaining, as I had to physically 'beat' my dear pony around the ring!

I feel anxious and disappointed, as we were doing SO well lately. As of two weeks ago, things were great! We had started jumping, and I was just loving him and feeling really confident. Then we backslid with alarming speed. He got spooky, I got anxious and defensive, he got upset and balky. He started rearing and bucking, leaping nervously at the slightest provocation. I got grabby and handsy, and upset.

What to do, what to do? Well, he is having a horse chiropractor out on Wednesday. If that doesn't solve his problems, well does anyone know a good horse-meat recipe? (hahah, actually I will have a competent friend show my dear pony a thing or two about paying attention!!).

Fingers crossed this is a minor setback on the road to our eventual success!

The Virgin Suicides

Yes, it's a bit of a pop-culture icon these days isn't it? I'm reading the book right now, written by Pulitzer-prize winner Jeffrey Eugenides (he won it for Middlesex, curiously enough, I disliked that book!).

It's a stunning book, both in texture and craft, and in sheer lyricism. It draws you in to this sepia-tinted life, of extreme voyeurism and languid drama. I really enjoyed it, and found the film to be fairly true to the book itself, rare enough as it is. I highly recommend this book-particularly if you liked the film--but even if you didn't, the writing here is so rare, so captivating. It's lazy, powerful and envelopes you. It's not an emotional book, but rather one that keeps a reader at a visible distance, as if you are seeing the events through a haze of fog or fine mosquito netting.

It's a definite mystery, and strangely even though it's a subject matter that people avoid quite strenuously, we can all identify with it.

I also had the craziest dreams after reading it, so perhaps not a book for before-bed reading.

Enjoy!

A murder of crows?

Outside our apartment building, there's a menace. It waits until your arms are burdened by shopping bags full of groceries, then swoops and whacks the back of your head--

Yes, we're under attack! By two evil crows. At first I laughed at my partner's dramatic retelling (they seem to hate him the most) until...I caught them sneaking up behind me on the telephone wires, cawing madly. I didn't back down though, oh no! I dropped my bags at their first daring pass at my head, and yelled and hissed at them, swinging my bag wildly.

That sort of scared them off, until I went to pick up my groceries. Then they were back! For more! The nerve of these crows...

And so we went back and forth, me chasing them off to the heights of the telephone wires, them cawing like maniacs and sneaking back to dive-bomb the back of my head. I was pretty pissed off, let me tell you!

Susan is not having any luck with animals lately, for some reason. I am also thinking about getting some sort of bb gun or airsoft gun, but I'm a pretty terrible shot, and could likely see myself shooting a window, person, dog, cat, other bird...the list goes on. Hmmm.

So far, I haven't been troubled by them, but they seem to sneak up at the oddest times...I will keep my wits about me, and conquer the evil crows!

I'll Never Be Young Again

My, I am prolific currently. This one's a rant. It's about gratitude.

How hard is it to admit you need help, and oh gosh this is a tough one--say thank you?! I'm busting my ass to help, partly as a favour to others, partly to help you, and all you can say is, well, bitching?

I admit I'm no saint, and yes, on the ''entitled'' side of entitlement, but for the love of all that is (un)holy, some gratitude is demonstrated on my end. At least! People love to be helpful, feel appreciated, and lend a willing hand. Don't be an ass, and it will turn out all right. Don't be a jerk about it, and don't act rude whenever you have interactions.

So hard? How about you leave society. I have a creeping feeling 'excommunications' were developed for a reason...Not religious reasons!

So, I'm going to ride this wave of righteous anger until it subsides possibly tomorrow.

Don't Look Now

Ah yes, has anything changed much these past few days? Well, my partner has attracted the attention of some vicious crows, which instantly made me laugh like crazy and reminisce about Daphne du Maurier's The Birds.

Camping this past weekend was a great success and a ton of fun. It makes me feel happy that I can join up with friends of years, (with years in between visits), and have it be so natural, so freeing. It's great, this casual companionship, and something I truly value. I also learned how great cooking camping breakfast can be when you do it in a paper bag, grease and egg dripping into the fire and flaming it further. (The trick is layering the bacon in the bottom of the bag, then piling shredded potatoes, egg if you are so inclined, and cheese. Place it on the grill over the fire for 30 minutes or so, and voila! Greasy diner breakfast in the woods)

I also ran 10k, without taking a break! Woo hoo! My pony was quite bad today, could be saddle-fit related, though I really really hope not.

And I will leave with this: Some du Maurier books I highly, highly recommend: short story collection Kiss Me Again, Stranger, the book Rebecca, Jamaica Hill, collection of short stories Don't Look Now and check out some of her others. Fabulous gothic eerie stuff.

I'm a perfect piece of ass, like every Californian

In England, you almost expect the weather to be, well, miserable. And were we disappointed? Hell no! It was windy, rainy and frankly quite brisk. We attended a wedding and it was everything you would assume a British wedding to be. Several hymns were sung, baffling the heck out of me (who goes to church anymore? And sings?) and many courses were consumed at the 'wedding breakfast' which is their name for reception.

We danced in a modified disco in the hall, something I'm sure the ancestors who built the grand Hall never saw coming! It felt very iconoclastic. We played a small game of croquet, dressed in our wedding finery of long dresses, fascinators and hats. My fascinator, of peacock feathers, drew admiring glances long and far. We played a brief, if moderately successful, game of skittles in the path in the long garden.

The food was spectacular, with pureed seafood in gelatin molds, timbale of field berries suspended in crystal-clear vanilla jelly, champagne sorbet.

The cars that drove up to the Hall, guests, waltzed from Porsche Boxters, Range Rovers, BMW's, Saabs, Volvos--nary a rust bucket in sight, or even mid-level. The luxury cars were astonishing.

It was the most opulent, luxurious and no doubt expensive wedding I will ever attend, save I become very famous and am invited to a movie star's wedding, or perhaps there is another Royal wedding (Harry? Is that you?)..

What's so bad (about feeling good?)

Fresh off a fabulous UK wedding, which I spent absolutely wracked with concern for my final Masters paper (which turned out to be a total no big deal anyways. ARGH), I have been faced with a few, shall we say, trials?

Running the gauntlet of financial concern, dentistry, flooding, no job prospects--I feel tried even more than Job! I am waiting for the other shoe to drop (oh my head) woah I feel crazy deja vu, I've definitely felt this way and said it that way before. It might help me to list out a few of my concerns...

• Surprising $600 invoice for something in JANUARY!
• $250 Hydro bill
• Filling from dentist not covered by insurace= Cha-Ching!
• Flooding in my to-be-renovated apartment
• Dear partner not cancelling a phone service from January, and is still paying it--this is the second time we moved and this happened
• No job prospects, and none in the pipes--apparently a MA with a few years govt experience is very unhireable?? Please god tell me no
• Dear aforementioned partner determined to quit said well paying job. While I am still unemployed
• ?????
• Profit!!!

What to do, what to do? Part of me says fuck it. Enjoy what I'm doing now, and stop reaching, searching, feeling anxious about the future. The future will worry about the future. Let ''Future Susan'' deal with it, enjoy the horse (who I am madly falling in love with, he is such a good pony).

Current Susan? Is SO not ok with Future Susan. She feels lazy, uneducated, bored and absolutely adrift. Also, feels a bit at odds with current life situations--not that I want to be super busy with work, but something would be welcomed. Throw me a bone here, life! (tempting fate with that, as I enjoy good health, sort of good ''teefs'' and a darling pony, bunny, & husband).

So I am letting Current Susan and Future Susan battle it out. In my head. This should be fun...

So, I'm listening to happy music--even if it makes me want to cry sometimes--and enjoying my dear pony, who was a very nice ride today.

Spider Chronicles?

Yeah, instead of the jazzy Spiderwick Chronicles (good movie, by the way)...I present, Spider Chronicles!

In which I, spider attractant extraordinaire, will chronicle my tales of woe. Starting with the other day, when I was lazily grazing my pony, in the upper paddock at his boarding stable. I would usually let him off lead to graze, except he has proven himself very wily and fast, and wouldn't let me catch him. So here we were, him eating, me bored and staring at him eating. Except--what was this? Small black hopping things in the long grass?

I recalled a fellow boarder mentioning fun things to do, like bring chairs up there and let the horses eat without fear of them running amok and all of these fun activities flashed through my mind, because---

ALL THESE BLACK THINGS WERE SPIDERS

Thousands of them!

I was wearing boots (pink rubber boots with white horses on them, natch) and I have never backpedaled my face from the ground fast enough, or thanked the heavens I was wearing hot rubber in the sun. Jeezus.

Yes, this cozy field where my pony was plundering the fresh grass was literally crawling with black spiders, maybe baby ones but they looked pretty damn big, all hopping merrily through the grass under.my.feet.

Needless to say, I will not be bringing a chair, book, alcoholic drink, or my horse back. Unless he smartens up and can be let up without playing ''let's see how fast you are''. Shudder.

Recovering from this post-spider incident, I later showered (my first mistake!) after being at the horse barn. Naked, vulnerable and with shampoo in my hair, I reached for my bar of soap-a strange black bar of soap that I won't be buying again. (there is nothing stranger than watching black streaks of soap wash off you. Isn't that the reverse of what is supposed to be happening? Anyways) Under the soap was...dun dun dunn.... A SPIDER!

I screamed so loudly I'm pretty sure they could hear me from space. I live in a condo now that has screens on all its windows. My shower doesn't have any windows, nothing! How, how, how could this happen? To me? Today>?

Sensing my presence and scream, the spider decided to make a run for it, into the tub. It was getting rained on by the showerhead, and I snatched up the bar of soap and bashed it to death against the tub walls.

Leaving its crumpled, shedding legs body in the tub while I was showering made me have the fastest shower ever. With goosebumps raised on my skin, I left the shower, took the shower head and washed the stubborn spider corpse down the drain. Note: it didn't want to go.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I now check the shower every time I am in that washroom. I say this now, but I never want to shower again. Anyone experienced in dry shampoos?

The Faraway Horse

Another elections come and gone, a trip to Tofino for some crab, and four days off of riding my dear redheaded nut pony.

I've also become a bit of a closet foodie, eating at restaurants like Shelter or SOBO (yes these were both in Tofino, ha!) and I even experimented with polenta the other day, and ate squash gnocci (which was delicious).

I'm heading out to England in a few weeks, for another Royal wedding, my cousins. Should be fabulous! And hopefully will cure this aimless nonsense that's been flitting in and out of my mind lately-why do we so define ourselves by our work? It's a recipe for heartbreak, in my opinion.

Oh and I will hopefully be able to enlist a talented and capable rider to exercise my evil pony while I am away, 9 days is just too long to leave him to his own devices--hell, I just rode again after 4 and he wasn't great, but at least he didn't feel like I was riding a stick of dynamite. Ohhh horses. If you're lucky enough to have horses, you're lucky enough.

Peeps Season! Happy Easter

Last Easter I made Peeps (my favourite Easter candy, next to Cadbury Creme Eggs) and they were SO good, courtesy of everyone's fav felon, Martha Stewart. This Easter I'm going somewhere a little more...Technical?

Yes that's right, I (courtesy of friend Jessica) found a recipe to make Cadbury Creme Eggs! Yes that's right! http://blog.craftzine.com/archive/2011/02/how-to_homemade_cadbury_eggs.html

Oh, glorious days, an Easter filled with diabetes-inducing treats. This will put my job-less-ness blues on the backburner and focus on something a little less dreary (like school.ugh.) yayyy!

And I can't help but reflect a little on where I was last year. Is it bad I still feel the need to tally this year's successes against last year's? Last year I spent Easter in NYC, and it was fan-freaking-tastic. However, I was still living apart from my husband, embroiled in a demanding job, writing a ton and working on school constantly. Do I miss this? Am I someone that relies on external busy influences to keep myself 'sane'?

I'm not sure about that yet. I am *so* not busy these days, and it is .stressful.? How is this? I can't figure it out. Was I happier when I was burning myself on both ends, stretched to capacity with time, mental powers?

(Oh and this year, I have a pony! And I can still afford to keep him! This year's Easter already has one step up. That ' fulfilled' feeling will have to come, I have to be patient).

Thanks but No Thanks

Pretty sure I got the grand 'brush-off' from a rather spectacularly unsuccessful interview the other day. It led me to ponder a few things, now that I'm stuck in this situation again (by choice!)...What makes a good interview? A good impression is fairly easy, well for some, but if employers know who they want within minutes of meeting an applicant, what sets you apart?

I think it's the brutal unknowing that drives me crazy. Who's to say they already have a candidate waiting in the wings, going through the motions with other prospects only to dismiss them summarily as a formality?

Interviews make everyone paranoid.

I hate them.

Hot topics--books

Last year I was on a bit of a Pat Conroy kick, I know how corny and overwrought his books can be but damn, he is an excellent storyteller.

So, I watched Prince of Tides this past weekend and it was pretty awful (Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand???) and honestly did not do the book justice. The actual book is tense, flowery, brutal and overwhelming. I was very surprised at how well done it was, and how poorly the film adapted it. It's a very long book with flashbacks that tell a horrible story, and the film pretty much glossed most of it over. Anyways, it reminded me of the strength of good stories and how powerful the written word is.

So, I looked up a few of his other books and autobiographies and recommended one to a friend. It seems that the richness of lived experience really 'shines' through Conroy's work, particularly the unvarnished, plain banality of evil that seem to permeate his books.

That said, I recommend Prince of Tides, Beach Music, The Water is Wide and The Great Santini...they're not easy reads, but excellent ones.

An In-Between Place

Now that the hustle, rush and hurry of moving, moving again and buying a condo have worn off...I'm bored.

For awhile (the first month of unemployment and the excitement of moving) I was glad to be off work momentarily, and have a chance to settle in, focus on my new life, new pony and be with my husband again. But now? I'm struggling a bit to define my days.

I'm going into a month and a half, almost two, of not working and it's starting to drive.me.crazy. I'm fine in the mornings, I go riding (or get into arguments with my adorable, terrible pony) and come home, have lunch, and go for a jog with a dear friend. I'm living the retirement lifestyle! Except...after I'm done jogging, now what?

I kind of get 'stuck' in the afternoons, whiling them away doing absolutely nothing important. What's this? Susan loafing around? Why, two months ago that would have been the dream, when I was working full time, hating school full time, and handling the household and freelance writing contracts. But now? I kind of miss it (well, not all of it, maybe like 50 per cent).

I have almost finished the entire Las Vegas CSI. And this is from someone who doesn't really watch much TV! (The Internet is more my vice, ouch!).

So, I'm finishing my thesis and doing it poorly, and applying to jobs with bated breath, but it feels so odd to complain about my (relatively) luxurious position in life. Honestly, I quite enjoy it but it gets lonely, and I seek to fill that void with 'busy' work. Things might improve when I'm not living alone *again!*.

Hmm, the tyranny of time.

Summer is the Champion

Well, I almost feel like this blog shouldn't be titled UpNorth anymore, it's a bit misleading as I certainly am no longer there!

But, I'm pretty lazy/not great with tech, so I will most likely leave it.

And some updates... In the month and a half (and a bit over that actually), we've bought a condo, I have been working on my masters research paper and finished a case study, moved my dear pony to a new boarding stable, and reconnected with tons of friends. Success right?

I'm still hedging about finding a new job, as it seems like the world's biggest curse (job hunting, that is)...Oh well, I have to suck it up and work somewhere eventually?

Guess it helps that the weather here is warm-ish, around 9-12 degrees everyday and today the sun is shining, the future is bright, and I'm where I was meant to be!

Also, Easter is coming up and you know what that means...Peeps! I love peeps!

And my pony was being pretty naughty today, he's been very spooky at the new boarding stable, which is in a pretty central location, but that means tons of stuff/distractions. For example, during the past week we have had to deal with:

• Tarps from the hoarder neighbour's flying around on a dark and windy day
• Hail bouncing off said hoarder neighbour's multitude of crap sheds full of junk
• Street construction (complete with power tools and flashing lights) outside the 'scary' side of the riding arena
• Two large scrapers/graders parked in the stable yard
• Dumptruck in stable yard that was dumping right next to the riding arena

Luckily, it seems that he's only bothered by the neighbour's crapload of stuff, not anything happening in his stable yard. Phew. Except he spooked at something (nothing...) today and slipped on the concrete near his cross-ties! Yeesh.

Ponies are short, and therefore closer to hell

Wow have I ever let this slack off! I don't even know if I can call it UpNorth anymore, as I am...drumroll please... no longer up North!! Yes that's right, can you believe it?

In a series of unfortunate events, my 4 hour flight from Whitehorse turned into a two-day excursion of stress. In other news, fuck Air Canada and their fucking stupid non-existent pet policies..."I don't know why we don't allow any pets other than dogs or cats. Maybe it's a Transport Canada rule''...NO it isn't, why is AIR NORTH (a far superior airline) fine with it with no fucking dithering> huh.

So, don't fly Air Canada if you can help it. They suck.

What's been going on so far? Well, let me list the events:

I went back to Costa Rica for Christmas, and it was very nice. I got 80 mosquito bites and pulled a muscle in my leg, but otherwise very flawless.

I am still doing school. Ugh.

I sold my house in Whitehorse.

I am in the process of buying a condo in Victoria (yayy)

I quit my job in Whitehorse (I am really going to miss it, it was sweet!)

I am unemployed and rather hating it, I didn't realize how much I defined myself by my job(s)

I am living in a hotel in Victoria and running between realtor-lawyer-notary public-horse barns

I am looking for boarding for my dear devil pony

I am trying to reconnect with dear friends

I am going to try to continue some freelance writing, which has really taken off this year and I've absolutely loved it

I've been eating out in restaurants everyday and i LOVE IT

I really haven't been focusing as much on school as I should

I am planning to go to my cousin's wedding in England in May (YAYYY)

I am planning to ride in horse shows this summer with said devil pony

I'm trying to get back in shape and almost screamed with fright at how horrible my swimsuit looks on me

Annddd I live with my husband again! It has been 1.5 YEARS since we have lived together. It's about time. :)