The Gift of Fear

By Gavin deBecker.

Not a book review, as I haven't read it yet myself (currently reading The Prince of Tides, yeah don't ask) but I have read a spinoff about stalkers who quotes heavily from 'Gift' and therefore feel it is appropriate to bring it up.

Also, a great feminist news source/angst mongering website I frequent does great book reviews and just reviewed this one, as they felt it was timely.

It is always timely, and in an effort to take this beyond book review, the book is about your senses being able to guide you past trouble. That sick feeling or 'hairs raising on your arm' creepy sense is valuable. They tell you something is wrong, and don't stick around to find out what.

The important thing about this book is not 'living in fear' which is extremely debilitating and dangerous, but using that one type of fear--creepy sense, as a tool to save your life from a bad situation.

de Becker doesn't victim-blame, he says we are all responsible for our own safety. Women in particular are to be aware, on guard constantly, as men are always the aggressors. We can't depend on others to protect us, they haven't earned the right to that.

One of the most troubling aspects of protecting ourselves is that women, through society and rom-coms, are conditioned to accept a man's aggressive behaviour, not taking 'no' for an answer, and always accepting a man's help, even if not needed and puts one in an uncomfortable or dangerous scene. We have to learn to say NO. And leave it at that. Don't feel bad, if they are bad people, so much the better. If they are good people, they will understand.