In which I, spider attractant extraordinaire, will chronicle my tales of woe. Starting with the other day, when I was lazily grazing my pony, in the upper paddock at his boarding stable. I would usually let him off lead to graze, except he has proven himself very wily and fast, and wouldn't let me catch him. So here we were, him eating, me bored and staring at him eating. Except--what was this? Small black hopping things in the long grass?
I recalled a fellow boarder mentioning fun things to do, like bring chairs up there and let the horses eat without fear of them running amok and all of these fun activities flashed through my mind, because---
ALL THESE BLACK THINGS WERE SPIDERS
Thousands of them!
I was wearing boots (pink rubber boots with white horses on them, natch) and I have never backpedaled my face from the ground fast enough, or thanked the heavens I was wearing hot rubber in the sun. Jeezus.
Yes, this cozy field where my pony was plundering the fresh grass was literally crawling with black spiders, maybe baby ones but they looked pretty damn big, all hopping merrily through the grass under.my.feet.
Needless to say, I will not be bringing a chair, book, alcoholic drink, or my horse back. Unless he smartens up and can be let up without playing ''let's see how fast you are''. Shudder.
Recovering from this post-spider incident, I later showered (my first mistake!) after being at the horse barn. Naked, vulnerable and with shampoo in my hair, I reached for my bar of soap-a strange black bar of soap that I won't be buying again. (there is nothing stranger than watching black streaks of soap wash off you. Isn't that the reverse of what is supposed to be happening? Anyways) Under the soap was...dun dun dunn.... A SPIDER!
I screamed so loudly I'm pretty sure they could hear me from space. I live in a condo now that has screens on all its windows. My shower doesn't have any windows, nothing! How, how, how could this happen? To me? Today>?
Sensing my presence and scream, the spider decided to make a run for it, into the tub. It was getting rained on by the showerhead, and I snatched up the bar of soap and bashed it to death against the tub walls.
Leaving its crumpled, shedding legs body in the tub while I was showering made me have the fastest shower ever. With goosebumps raised on my skin, I left the shower, took the shower head and washed the stubborn spider corpse down the drain. Note: it didn't want to go.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I now check the shower every time I am in that washroom. I say this now, but I never want to shower again. Anyone experienced in dry shampoos?
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