Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun

I'm at an in-between stage.

Young enough to be irresponsible, old enough to own two properties, be married for a year, finished a BA, working on an MA, own a horse and freelance write professionally.

I got in a debate (ok, argument) last week with my partner about defining 'responsibility.' He claimed that if you never have to be responsible, you are therefore allowed to embrace it, continue on in that life and never, ever have to be responsible. You can travel, endlessly. You can run home when you run out of money. You have many fleeting relationships, you don't need to own property, you don't have a mortgage circling your neck like a financial chain.

Honestly, it sort of sounds great. But at some point responsiblity creeps up on you (unless you're a drug addict or rich or something...) and then whap--you have property, a marriage, a family...house in the 'burb's or something equally horrible.

Again, I know I'm too young for a lot of things like that/don't want them. But this responsibility crept up on me. It is very insidious. Also can be seductive. Who doesn't want to own a house? A horse? Oh but wait, now you have to work full time. And to get ahead full time, you need a better education. And why don't you write more? Yes, write more. Do more school. Work more. More.More.More.

Partly, I love it. I want people to look up, not down at me. I want to be in control, have power, have things, have relationships, hold good jobs, be an accomplished writer, equestrian, everything. Who doesn't? It's that tricky responsibility thing, and sometimes I find myself lameting how did I get here at my age? How long do I have to stay here? When does this train stop and let me out?

I will be here, in this mindset, for 1 more year--I think.

I'm falling into a power trap, and it's completely of my own doing (undoing?).