Changing seasons

Well, after my rather gloom & doom post of Tuesday, things are changing, much like the seasons, or the tides.

- sidenote, I have a photo of a tide path area and there is a paving stone with 'Beware the Tides' engraved on it. It was wet. It seemed very ominous.-

I'm headed off to work again, and it couldn't happen sooner. Just when I thought all was lost, it wasn't! I'm so happy and glad to be involved in a career path of my choice, and a work location that is definitely going to be rewarding, challenging, maybe even crazy-making. But it's going in great directions, and I'm so pleased!

And, to that effect, here are some things I have been enjoying lately- in no particular order-

The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker

Community - DVD series

Marshmallow icing - Mom's recipe

Horns by Joe Hill

Heart-shaped Box by Joe Hill

Blood by The Middle East

Bassano hard sodas (yes sweet, but quite tasty. Enjoy in moderation, for your teefs sake!)

The Acorns

The Antlers

Enjoy!

And, I wish I had written this myself, from The Hellbound Heart... "The seasons long for each other, like men and women, in order that they may be cured of their excesses...Everything tires with time, and starts to seek some opposition, to save it from itself."

The Hellbound Heart

Or, the tyranny of time.

Now that I've accepted my slow descent into unemployed-slob territory (no, it didn't go easily, I had a major mopefest for exactly one day, and then picked up my pants and continued on), I'm struggling with what I term 'the tyranny of time'.

This is the issue of too much time - something you may say to yourself is a wonderful thing to have, like a holiday that never ends! Except when you're in it. The weather is gorgeous, you have a lovely pony to spend time with and no demands either which way. And this, my friends, is trouble. First of all, the weather is gorgeous. How is this a problem? Well, when it's this nice out, I want to be out doing things in it (riding said pony), but the problem when you're unemployed and everyone else is otherwise employed, is that you get stuck doing the majority of fun sunshine events alone. And the company of yourself, yourself and yourself gets mighty old. The fun of events and activities isn't necessarily sharing the activity itself, but of the shared experience.

I'm also fighting with the rather abrupt transition of unemployed-work-unemployed. It's like a bizarre sandwich of responsibilities. I get really good at doing nothing, then suddenly I'm good at doing everything - then nothing. I guess it doesn't help that my partner is away for another few months, and while that's all fine and all while I working, that issue of the pleasure of my company gets very stale after awhile.

So there are a few issues at heart: no partner, lovely weather, no responsibilities, increasing lack of motivation (this gets worse every time I am unemployed) and that monster of boredom. Also I am getting very sloppy with typing and spelling, and perhaps driving. Save me from myself!

I am reminded of song lyrics that claim it's possible to feel alone in a crowded room, yes it is, but it's also as likely to feel alone, with my burgeoning hermithood, in a sunny apartment.

And this time? That stretches in front of me for an impossibly long period? I will want it back, I will want to save it, hoard it and guard it jealously when I want it again. That, my friends, is the tyranny of time. I am in a place I love, with friends I adore, a pony that continually challenges and delights/frustrates me, and yet...

I am hard to please these days. I am so close to self-actualization that it's actually more frustrating than when I wasn't near it at all! All I hear is to enjoy it while I have it, but that makes me resent it even more. Unasked for gifts are the hardest to return.

Also my feet are riddled with blisters and I have a large scrape that is healing on my arm. The blisters are particularly annoying, as they won't allow me to wear running shoes right now and frankly, they are hideous. All courtesy of an interesting trail ride gone amok this weekend.

I'm still pondering what to do, what to do.

Can't seem to buy a break?

Things have been going well lately, so I come here only to vent it seems!

I went to the music festival at Squamish and had a fabulous time. We camped (which is an iffy proposition at any time really) and the weather, logistics and music were fabulous! I loved the bands, had a great time with friends and really couldn't ask for more...

Which leads me to my rant, which, as per usual, is job related. Just finished up a brief stint that I had hoped would lead to a foot in the door and as it turns out, I didn't even end up with a foot in the hallway TO the door. Le sigh.

I just.can't.seem.to.buy.a.freaking.break! Honest to god, WHAT IS IT??

Coworkers and bosses alike just raved about me, which was honestly very surprising as it was very short period of time. I had excellent reviews and recommendations, have my MA and three years of experience in the field...And I don't get a lower-level position I applied and interviewed for. Yeah...

What does it take? I'm getting extremely discouraged. Extremely. I can get all the excellent reviews they're handing out and STILL blow it. I'm just not sure about anything to do with this anymore. Oh, and I knew it. I just knew it. Whenever you don't get a call right away= bad news. I feel silly for expecting something different, you know?

With my experience, excellent references and decent higher level education, I still can't land the big one, or even the small one. What gives?

Well, I am using this to keep searching, though I am seriously tired of it. I am going to be asking how to improve my interviews (that was number #3 unsuccessful, so clearly something is up!) and looking for feedback.

Yeah, ouch.

I Don't Want Love

Home again, home again!

Just got back from a jet-set holiday, touring the exotic climes of Calgary, AB all the way to the interior of BC. We drove out to see Spruce Meadows, the premiere showjumping facility of North America basically, and then went to see some roughriding action at the Calgary Stampede. Then off to Banff it was, and then Nelson BC (snail capital of BC?) and Osoyoos (surprisingly and disappointingly cold) and then home.

Showjumping was fabulous! Ian Millar proved he was Captain Canada yet again, and an Irish won the Derby, which was nail-bitingly tense as usual. We watched a performance of the Prairie Dogs, sort of like dog showjumping.

The rodeo was great, nobody got hurt but there sure were some tense moments and some really sad times when cowboys fell off before the buzzer sounded. Barrel racing was fabulous, those ladies can turn and burn with the best of them! I also ate pizza on a stick (wonderful) and root beer, and then a cheap buffet for dinner.

THEN it was off to Banff, home of the rich & famous. We trekked up to the Banff Springs (much like their slaves, er, servants, must have back in the 'ol days) and enjoyed a ridiculously expensive cocktail on the lounge patio, overlooking the majesty of the mountains. * yeah, like $16 for a mojito, and no, it wasn't gold-encrusted?! Woahhh. Anyways, I wanted to stay at the Banff Springs but had to settle for the Ptarmigan's humble, if kind of rude, service.

We enjoyed what will probably remain the most extravagant dinner at Banff's Grizzly House fondue restaurant. We all had the 'dinner' meal, that consisted of a salad, cheese fondue, then meat platter of choice-- Alberta (venison, moose, buffalo), Seafood (prawn, scallop, lobster) or exotic (rabbit, rattlesnake, shark, ostrich)... And the cheapest options started at $50/person?!

Ooooh did we ever eat well! (due to the extreme generosity of my dear parents). I rolled out of there smoky and sort of greasy--we cooked off a hot stone with garlic butter, yes I did say it was extravagant didn't I? And was stuffed for the rest of the next day, as well. Fabulous!

Then it was off to Nelson, the picturesque small town of silver-star fame Roxanne and the sun shone, everything was beautiful and we definitely ate dinner at the Dixie Cafe (well it is called something different now, but that is what it was in Roxanne). All is good!

The next day, Osoyoos, was a bit of a downer. Rainy, barely breaking 18 deg, no mood for swimming, nosir! Bummer!

And now it's raining in Victoria. Can we win this one? Hope you have a vacation this summer that IS sunny? Let's break 30, people!

The honeymoon is over

I'm at odds with my feisty redheaded horse. I had a ride the other day that culminated, shamefully enough, with me hopping on bareback grabbing a chunk of mane in one hand, and brandishing a whip with the other. The rodeo that ensued was quite entertaining, as I had to physically 'beat' my dear pony around the ring!

I feel anxious and disappointed, as we were doing SO well lately. As of two weeks ago, things were great! We had started jumping, and I was just loving him and feeling really confident. Then we backslid with alarming speed. He got spooky, I got anxious and defensive, he got upset and balky. He started rearing and bucking, leaping nervously at the slightest provocation. I got grabby and handsy, and upset.

What to do, what to do? Well, he is having a horse chiropractor out on Wednesday. If that doesn't solve his problems, well does anyone know a good horse-meat recipe? (hahah, actually I will have a competent friend show my dear pony a thing or two about paying attention!!).

Fingers crossed this is a minor setback on the road to our eventual success!

The Virgin Suicides

Yes, it's a bit of a pop-culture icon these days isn't it? I'm reading the book right now, written by Pulitzer-prize winner Jeffrey Eugenides (he won it for Middlesex, curiously enough, I disliked that book!).

It's a stunning book, both in texture and craft, and in sheer lyricism. It draws you in to this sepia-tinted life, of extreme voyeurism and languid drama. I really enjoyed it, and found the film to be fairly true to the book itself, rare enough as it is. I highly recommend this book-particularly if you liked the film--but even if you didn't, the writing here is so rare, so captivating. It's lazy, powerful and envelopes you. It's not an emotional book, but rather one that keeps a reader at a visible distance, as if you are seeing the events through a haze of fog or fine mosquito netting.

It's a definite mystery, and strangely even though it's a subject matter that people avoid quite strenuously, we can all identify with it.

I also had the craziest dreams after reading it, so perhaps not a book for before-bed reading.

Enjoy!

A murder of crows?

Outside our apartment building, there's a menace. It waits until your arms are burdened by shopping bags full of groceries, then swoops and whacks the back of your head--

Yes, we're under attack! By two evil crows. At first I laughed at my partner's dramatic retelling (they seem to hate him the most) until...I caught them sneaking up behind me on the telephone wires, cawing madly. I didn't back down though, oh no! I dropped my bags at their first daring pass at my head, and yelled and hissed at them, swinging my bag wildly.

That sort of scared them off, until I went to pick up my groceries. Then they were back! For more! The nerve of these crows...

And so we went back and forth, me chasing them off to the heights of the telephone wires, them cawing like maniacs and sneaking back to dive-bomb the back of my head. I was pretty pissed off, let me tell you!

Susan is not having any luck with animals lately, for some reason. I am also thinking about getting some sort of bb gun or airsoft gun, but I'm a pretty terrible shot, and could likely see myself shooting a window, person, dog, cat, other bird...the list goes on. Hmmm.

So far, I haven't been troubled by them, but they seem to sneak up at the oddest times...I will keep my wits about me, and conquer the evil crows!